


We Were in Screaming Color

by CowboyVibesOnly



Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, I promise it'll end well, Jealousy, Pining, Slow Burn, Some Shannon/Mary, Soulmate Color AU, Soulmates, Unrequited love...sort of, these two make me soft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:28:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25753618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CowboyVibesOnly/pseuds/CowboyVibesOnly
Summary: The first time Lilith heard of soulmates, she was six and it was an accident. The consequence of an overheard conversation between two tutors. She didn’t understand, not really. One person, out of all the people on the planet, specifically made for someone else? And this person would let her see colors? Even at six she knew that the chances of anyone meeting their soulmate with those odds was slim. Still, she was six and the concept was swiftly forgotten.
Relationships: Sister Lilith/Shotgun Mary (Warrior Nun)
Comments: 25
Kudos: 47





	1. Prologue

The first time Lilith heard of soulmates, she was six and it was an accident. The consequence of an overheard conversation between two tutors. She didn’t understand, not really. One person, out of _all_ the people on the planet, specifically made for someone else? And this person would let her see _colors?_ Even at six she knew that the chances of anyone meeting their soulmate with _those_ odds was slim. Still, she was six and the concept was swiftly forgotten.

The first time Lilith was formally introduced to the idea of actually _having_ a soulmate she was fourteen. Her mother’s delivery was cold and clinical before going back to criticizing her daughter. “Everyone has a soulmate Lilith, but they’re not necessary. You’ll get your colors when you get the Halo. Don’t waste your time dwelling on ‘what if’ and focus on yourself, you don’t need the dead weight of a soulmate, you’re already sloppy enough. Josiah tells me that you leave your left side open to attack when sparring, fix it.”

At the age where girls typically get their first crush, Lilith spent her days with stuffy tutors (All the good ones were sent away the second Lilith started to get attached) and martial arts instructors (She’d gotten over crying about bruises years ago. Now she just took the bite of pain and learned to dodge). 

Her days were spent training for the inevitable day where she would join the OCS and take up her rightful mantle as Halo Bearer...at least, for the most part. During quiet moments Lilith couldn’t help but daydream about ‘the one.’ Would they be strong? Tall? Maybe even funny? She didn’t even know what she wanted, not really. Not having choices in life does that to someone.

* * *

  
  


By the time Lilith _finally_ joined the OCS (and got out from under her parents thumb), thoughts of her soulmate, whoever they were, rarely crossed her mind. She had more important things to worry about, like wiping the floor with Shannon _again_.

“Round five goes to me. Again.” Lilith teased, a faint smirk curling the corner of her lips. Sure, bragging wasn’t _entirely_ fair but Lilith was nothing if not proud of her skills. Moments later her smirk turned into a small smile though as she offered Shannon a hand, maybe it was soft, but Shannon truly was her only friend. The other Sisters were kept at an arm's length, never allowed too close.

“I’m starting to think you’re enjoying this, Lilith.” Shannon groaned, stretching her ribs before prodding the bruise that was surely forming on her side after being thrown to the ground so roughly. Accepting the offered hand, Shannon grunted as she was hauled back to her feet. “C’mon, let's take a breather. Lord knows I need it.”

Accepting the offered water bottle, Lilith settled on one of the pews beside Shannon. The training room was empty save for them, most of the other Sisters training outside. The water was cool going down her throat, quenching a thirst she hadn’t realized she felt until that moment. The silence between the two was comfortable and Lilith was thankful. She’d never been the most talkative person, even as a child. 

Unfortunately, all peace is broken at some point and now was no different. “Hey Lilith?” Shannon asked, voice quiet and thoughtful. “Do you ever wonder what it’s like?”

Glancing over, Lilith furrowed her brows in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“Y’know...colors. Having a soulmate.”

Well. Did she wonder what it was like? Occasionally, when her mind was hazy with the fog of sleep and her thoughts wandered of their own accord Lilith would dream up a warm arm slung across her waist and wonder at what it would be like to see dawn in all its glory. There had to be something about colors that had those lucky enough to meet their soulmate so excited about it. Could something as simple as _colors_ really change so much?

“No. I don’t.” A liar, Lilith was a _liar_. But soulmates were a weakness, or so her mother had always said. Maybe she’d be better off without one. She didn’t need a soulmate to see color anyway. Whenever she got the Halo, Lilith would be able to see a whole rainbow of them. 

“Really?” Shannon couldn’t help but sound surprised. “I wonder if I think about it more than I should, considering we’ve taken the vows. I just can’t help but be curious. There’s someone out there that God _made_ for us Lilith. How can I not find that beautiful?”

* * *

Shannon got the Halo. _Shannon got the Halo_.

Shannon got the Halo and _fury_ burned through Lilith’s veins, a sick burn of jealousy (Fear, it was fear. Her mother would not be kind about her daughter losing the Halo. Truthfully, Lilith was relieved) settled low in her gut. It was more than that. No Halo meant no colors.

Sure, she had a soulmate but the chances of finding them among all seven billion people on Earth? Lilith wasn’t holding her breath (Even if some small, lonely part of her hungered for the chance to be with them). If she had been asked the day before, Lilith would have scoffed at being asked if she cared about colors. _Now?_ Now that her chance had been **stolen**? She wanted nothing more than to be able to see the world in all of God’s glory, colors and all.

“Lilith?”

She knew Shannon was behind her before she spoke. If Lilith’s years of training hadn’t sharpened her senses and awareness, then the golden glow cast from behind her would have clued her in real quick. 

“Sister Shannon. I trust you’re adjusting to the Halo nicely?” The politeness _gnawed_ at her and Shannon winced. She hadn’t been called Sister by Lilith in a while, she was always just Shannon.

“Can we talk?” The newly minted Halo Bearer was nervous for this conversation, anxious in a way she never was. Shannon wasn’t stupid. She and everyone else at Cat’s Cradle knew about Lilith and her bloodline. They all knew how badly she wanted to be Halo Bearer. It was the worst kept secret in Andalusia.

“Of course.” Shannon settled on the pew next to Lilith and joined her in staring up at the stained glass windows, neither comfortable with eye contact at that moment. They were in uncharted territory, one that stepped firmly on the harsh truth of Lilith’s childhood. She was born to be the Halo Bearer. Nothing more, nothing less.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take the Halo out from under you. I hope you know that.”

That’s the difficult part. Lilith was well aware. It wasn’t in Shannon’s nature to power grab like that, not that it was in any of their control. Shannon’s shock at being chosen as the new Halo Bearer was genuine.

Releasing a deep sigh, Lilith closed her eyes for a moment and willed herself to let her anger and jealousy go (What was she even jealous about anyway, she never _wanted_ the Halo as a child anyway). “I know. I...apologize if i’ve treated you any differently.”

“Everything is forgiven.”

A silence stretched between the two, both lost in their own thoughts before Lilith suddenly broke it.

“What’s it like?”

“What do you mean?”

“The colors. What are they like?” Lilith didn’t know why she asked. Nothing Shannon could say would be of any comfort. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to know what she was missing.

“They’re beautiful.”


	2. Chapter One

Lilith grunted as she blocked an overhead swing of Shannon’s baton, biceps burning with the force behind it. After becoming Halo Bearer, their sparring sessions became significantly more challenging. Each strike had an almost supernatural strength behind it, more often than not leaving Lilith’s body aching and sore.

Hooking her foot behind Shannon’s ankle, Lilith pulled back while throwing her weight into Shannon’s baton and nearly cheered whenever she caught the other woman by surprise and succeeded in toppling her backwards only to have her feet kicked out from under her. Lilith’s back hit the training mat with a thud and all her breath was knocked from her lungs.

“Tie?” Shannon panted, holding herself up on her elbows and shooting Lilith a weary grin. The two had been going for over an hour now, starting slow and ending with the all out bout that ended with the both of them lying flat on the floor. Regardless of how rigorously they trained, it was enough for anyone to want a break.

“Yeah,” Lilith groaned, “It’s a tie.” The burn in her muscles was a satisfying one, something to focus on while she laid there to catch her breath. A small, selfish part of her was concerned about Shannon’s increase in skill. Lilith had always been at the top, the one no one wanted to go hand to hand with. For Shannon to be as good as her...Well. It made Lilith uncomfortable. (She was scared. Coming second in _her_ childhood was unacceptable and even though her parent’s teachings were years ago, they stuck with her.)

After a few more moments of laying on the mat, Shannon and Lilith got to their feet. Replacing their batons on the weapons rack, the two made their way outside to the pavilion, walking quietly through Cat’s Cradle’s hallowed halls. Leaning up against the weather worn parapets, Lilith stared out across the landscape and let her eyes wander the surrounding hills. Very occasionally it was possible to spot the distant moving dots of ibex grazing the hillside.

“Have you heard?” Shannon broke the silence after a while, snapping Lilith back into focus. _Well that was vague_.

“Have I heard what?” Lilith questioned, brows furrowed and voice suspicious. Crossing her arms in front of her, she turned and leaned against the parapets and focused her full attention on the other woman.

“We have a new member of the OCS coming today. Father Vincent was telling me about her earlier.”

“Are we resorting to petty gossip to amuse ourselves now Shannon? What’s so special about another nun?”

“That’s the interesting part! She refused the vows.” Shannon spoke quietly, leaning a bit closer so they wouldn’t be overheard. Gossip wasn’t exactly encouraged.

Oh. Now that _was_ interesting. It wasn’t unheard of for a member of the OCS to not take the vows, but it was rare. The OCS comprised mostly of nuns afterall. Still, anyone that managed to survive the elimination process to join was welcome. Another Sister to fight beside was never a bad thing.

“When is she arriving?” Curiosity finally slipped into her voice, unable to help herself as she dug for more information. It had been a while since their latest transfer and someone who’d refused their vows would surely be more interesting than quiet Beatrice. Not that there was anything wrong with the girl, in all honesty Lilith found her company surprisingly enjoyable. She always liked someone who could appreciate silence like she could.

“Supposedly later today.”

* * *

  
  


‘Later today’ ended up being right after dinner. It was the roar of a motorcycle, audible even inside the heart of Cat’s Cradle, that had everyone looking up in curiosity. Lilith was startled, distracted from the sudden knot in her gut, by Shannon nudging her with her knee.

“I’ll bet you anything that’s her, want to come with me to welcome her?”

“Sure...why not?” Lilith couldn’t help but roll her eyes a little bit before standing from the long table and climbing over the bench she had been sitting on. “Let’s go be the welcoming committee.” Her voice was undeniably sarcastic, but inside she was a mess. Normally she’d leave Shannon to play the welcoming Halo Bearer by herself but _something_ told Lilith to go with her. She never ignored her instincts, they tended to be right.

The walk to the entrance hall didn’t take long and was silent between the Sisters, something Lilith was thankful for. The closer she got to the massive doors that opened to the outside world, the tighter the knot in her gut wound itself. Rather alarmingly, Lilith feared she was going to puke. Dinner had been standard and the cooks were _always_ careful, after all, the OCS was useless if the whole convent had food poisoning. So _why_ did she feel so off?

* * *

  
  


Opening the front doors, the sunlight blinded both Lilith and Shannon, forcing the two to raise a hand and block some of the light and allow their eyes to adjust. That was the downside of having the entrance hall pointed west, you were in for a rude awakening upon opening the doors as the sun began its descent.

Warily cracking her eyes open, ready for the burn of eyes not yet adjusted to the sun’s rays, Lilith didn’t register the change at first. It made sense for everything to be brighter, after all, the sun was directly pointed at the pavilion. What _didn’t_ make sense was the fact that Lilith could see the last bit of blue in the sky, the majority a vibrant, brilliant orange. She could see the earth tones of the stonework around them and the sandy, shrubby hills that surrounded Cat’s Cradle and the town around it.

She could see the silhouette of an approaching figure. The knot in her gut had loosened and relaxed without Lilith even noticing. (Only now did she remember the vague memory of learning that upon close proximity to one’s soulmate for the first time, the human body would undergo extreme discomfort that would lessen until seeing one’s soulmate in an attempt to ensure a meeting.)

Her body was in a state of shock, steps faltering and a startled breath sucked into her lungs before being shakily exhaled. Lilith could see colors. _Lilith could see colors._ Without the Halo, the only way for her to ever see colors was to meet her _Soulmate_ . Her soulmate, someone Lilith had long ago resigned herself to never meeting (After all, why would she, of all people, deserve to meet her soulmate? The only thing she was good at was fighting.) A new need bubbled up and took over the forefront of Lilith’s thoughts. She needed to see them. Lilith _needed_ to see her soulmate, her ‘One’.

Lilith wasn’t disappointed (Not that she could have been, they were _soulmates_ after all. Literally made for eachother). Her soulmate was _gorgeous_ . Lilith’s normally quick mind had ground to a complete halt, stunned stupid at actually meeting _her_ (The knowledge that her soulmate was a woman was comforting, she’d long ago accepted that men didn’t catch her interest in the slightest). Utterly entranced by the mere presence of the striking woman in front of her, now visible as the sun was hidden behind the Cat’s Cradle walls, Lilith hadn’t even realized that she hadn’t been paying any attention to what was being said.

The woman, _‘Mary_ ’, said some part of her brain that had actually been paying attention to her introduction, looked in as much awe as Lilith felt. Her eyes, ‘ _a beautifully dark brown_ ’ her brain interjected again, wandered over Shannon and Lilith and the _shivers_ that ran down Lilith’s spine upon being examined had Lilith breathless. She’d never been self conscious before. She was attractive and was well aware of the fact. But now? Lilith was desperately hoping that she lived up to any expectations Mary had. 

Belatedly Lilith remembered that they weren’t alone and suddenly she jerked back in control of her body, desperately trying to calm her racing heart and her head turned to look at Shannon. Normally would take the chance to introduce herself but rather alarmingly, her voice was failing her.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Mary.” Shannon’s voice was slightly off and if Lilith didn’t know her as well as she did, she never would have caught it. Narrowing her eyes slightly and resisting the urge to rather uncharacteristically snap, Lilith just about swallowed her tongue whenever she caught how Mary was staring at Shannon. The woman looked absolutely _taken_ . An abrupt feeling of pure confusion drowned out any other thought. That look was for _her_ . _Lilith_ was her soulmate so why was Mary staring at Shannon like a dying man in the desert? “This is Sister Lilith.”

Mary’s gaze slid back over to her and the heady feeling of pure warmth spread back through Lilith’s veins, lighting her alight from the inside. “Welcome, Mary.” Her voice cracked slightly on the first syllable, mouth bone dry. The sheer surprise of the situation left her voice cool and slightly prickly, falling back on years of ingrained defense mechanisms. ‘When presented with an unfamiliar situation, remain on guard so you’re never caught unawares.’ Her old tutors voice echoed faintly in the back of her mind.

“Thank you, Sister Lilith.” There was intrigue in her voice, yes, but none of the breathless, slightly awestruck quality that part of her had been expecting (The part of her that had longed for this day, for finding the one person that was supposed to just _understand_ her. For the opportunity to have someone firmly in her corner). Mary’s eyes remained respectful, not even little glances and flicks around Lilith’s face as though she were already trying to memorize the planes of her face and drink in every detail she could (Lilith already felt as though Mary’s face was stamped, no, _branded,_ into her brain.)

Her second clue that something else was going on was the way that Mary’s eyes snapped back to Shannon’s as soon as was respectful and _there_ were the wandering glances and the small part to her lips out of sheer awe. _There_ was the slight lean forward, as though Mary couldn’t bear to stay separated much longer. _There_ were the reactions that should have been Lilith’s.

Lilith’s blood was going cold and her heart beat an uneven rhythm in her chest. This wasn’t right. None of this was right. The tips of her fingers were growing numb as _horror_ and heartbreak began to settle, lungs tightening with an unwillingness to draw breath. _This wasn’t happening._

It was.

“I...forgive me if this is forward, but do you see them too? The colors?” Mary’s voice was hopeful with just the slightest undercurrent of anxiety. Her words were directed towards Shannon. Shannon, who’s face opened like a book and displayed a sudden shock. Shannon, who looked as though her breath had been stolen. Shannon, whose lips were curling in a hesitant, hopeful smile (She too had lost hope of finding her soulmate. Being the Halo Bearer ensured that finding her soulmate by herself was next to impossible. She already had the colors. There was nothing new.)

Abruptly, Lilith was seized with the overwhelming need to _flee_ . She couldn’t watch this. She wouldn’t. Fists clenching at her sides, her nails bit deep into the flesh of her palm, grounding her back into this moment when all she wanted to do was retreat into her quarters and _break_ (She couldn’t even remember the last time she cried. Something told her she was about to get a lot more familiar with it). “You seem to have this under control Shannon. I’m going to finish dinner.” Her excuse was paper thin. Dinner was already in the process of ending whenever the two had left, but in that moment she was beyond thankful that Shannon didn’t press beyond a concerned glance. A concerned glance that lasted seconds before her eyes (Shannon’s eyes were blue. A gorgeous, ethereal blue) were locked solidly back onto Mary’s.

Scratch crying, Lilith was going to be sick. Turning on her heel and striding back into the relative darkness of Cat’s Cradle, she broke into a full sprint as soon as she was out of eyesight and earshot of Shannon and Mary. Her breath was ragged, thick with emotion that she couldn’t repress. The pain in her chest, no, her _body_ , was nearly crippling. Heartbreak. That had to be what this was. _‘Fuck having a heart then, if this is what it gets me, I don’t want it.’_ Her thoughts were irrational as she burst into her room, fingers shaky on the knob before managing to turn the lock behind her.

Staggering to the bed and nearly collapsing on it, Lilith couldn’t hold back the whimper of agony ( _‘Fucking heartbreak’_ ) as she curled in on herself. She hadn’t even bothered to remove her shoes, arms wrapping around her knees before ducking her head down and burying it in her arms. She couldn’t breathe. _She couldn’t breathe._ Panic welled in her chest and all at once the dam of poorly repressed emotions burst and deep, aching sobs escaped, the sound thankfully muffled in her arms.

‘ _Of course. Of course I'd be one of the unlucky few who’s soulmate was unrequited. I don’t even know why i’m surprised.’_

Sucking in desperate lungfuls of air, Lilith bit back another whimper that desperately wanted to escape. No. She wouldn’t cry any more about this. Enough was enough. Clenching her fists tightly once more, Lilith let the bite of her fingernails snap her back into focus and felt her body go numb. Enough was enough. So what, she wasn’t Mary’s soulmate. This was just one more obstacle for Lilith to overcome.

After all, Mother had always said that soulmates were dead weight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised angst didn't I?

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so, this is my first fanfic. Blame the WN discord for this, I hold everyone in the lilshotgun chat accountable for this. I'm Narcissa in the discord, feel free to hit me up there! I'm hoping that upcoming chapters will be longer than the prologue but i'm not sure exactly how long the whole fic is going to be. I do know that it's going to follow the length of the show at the least...I might be convinced to go beyond. I'm going to apologize in advance for the angst (i'm not sorry) but uh...it is what it is lol.


End file.
